You can't make this shit up

Today I met a man by the name of Wonder who has offered me free airline tickets in exchange for English lessons. That's scary lucky if you ask me. He works for United Airlines and I met him at a bus stop, then we talked on the bus. Also I got that job at the school near the airport. I am moving to a new apartment tomorrow to be closer to the school. I should pack now, but I don't have the energy. I set my alarm clock for 4:00 in the morning, and I plan to do it before I leave. My (soon to be former) assistant, Emerson, is coming at 6:15 to help me move to a new apartment. I wouldn't have met that man, Wonder, if I hadn't had a two and a half hour commute, and arrived at the bus stop which goes to the airport at the ass crack of dawn (the time when airport workers go to work--as I would know (and thank you, Robert Moseley, for that phrase). And that wouldn't have happened if I hadn't relentlessly complained about the awful school in pinguoyuan, And the company wouldn't have decided to put me there as a sustitute, if a man who was working at the school near the airport hadn't decided to ditch the school out of nowhere at the exact same time as I was threatening to leave. There is no way this school would have hired me, considering my level of experience, had it not been for absolute desperation. Man, I think the law of attraction is working in my favor now. What are the fucking odds?