Whatever will be will be

I have a very strong feeling in my heart and in my intuition that my coming to China, and seeing what I have seen, and doing what I have done, was somehow written in the stars for me from my birth. I don't know who or what wrote it. You can call it God, or you can call it whatever you want. If you want it to be many Gods, or Goddesses, or even nothing at all, that's fine too. There is one thing I am certain of, and that is that it is.

Everything I have experienced seemed to hit me at precisely the right moment to teach me precisely the right lesson that I needed to know right then to move forward with my life. I have had a massive spiritual awakening. When I came to China, my world was so small, I could fit it in my hands. I could look at it and understand everything about it, and know exactly what everything was, and exactly what everything did and why. Now my world is so big, I don't even know where its limits lie, or if it even has limits (and I don't believe it does).

I have conquered all my fears here: my fear of loud noises, my fear of crowds, my fear of bees, my fear of dying, my fear of being alone, my fear of being stranded without money, my fear of being hungry, thirsty, tired, my fear of riding the wrong way down a busy street on the back of a motorcycle without a helmet on (a fear I didn't even know that I had until coming here--one of those things that's just thrown in your face as it is happening), my fear of waking at three in the morning to a girl having sex with man in the same room as me (another fear I didn't know I had), my fear of doing what I want, when I want, however I want to do it, without fear or regard to rules or consequences, my fear of others thinking I am crazy. I stopped caring what anyone else will think of me, I stopped always trying to be everything to everyone, and please everyone. And I learned a lot about loyalty, and integrity, and honesty, and true friendship, and what it means to be a part of a family, and what it means to be a part of a life form on a planet...This stranded, desperate planet.

I am so fucking deprogrammed from all the brainwashing I have ever been subjected to through schools, and media, and parents and teachers, and I realize that none of this really matters. I have learned that life is absolutely meaningless, and the only thing that can give a human life any meaning is to do absolutely, positively meaningful things.

Now, I don't know what the future holds for me exactly. On Thursday, 11/11/2010, at 5 or 6 in the morning, my ass will arrive in Chicago. I don't know anything about what's going to happen then. I cannot guarantee that all my parts will arrive together or if I will even be alive. There are some things I should make clear to the world before I make this move, and I know what the potential consequences are and I must do this anyway.

I am carrying a potentially deadly pandemic of the Chinese flu. And I know it was the CDC's mission to prevent this pandemic, and so far they have succeeded, and by publishing this fact to the internet, I am giving the world a choice in the matter as whether they are ready and willing to face this shit or not. I will tell you one thing: it is inevitable. I have told you exactly what it will do to you if you catch it, and it will not kill you if you want to live, but it will kill you if you want to die. It will get inside you, and take you down to knocking on deaths door, and give you a very beautiful experience, and then give you a choice as to whether you want to live or die, and you will make your decision, and what will be will be. And, in my case, the Chinese flu fucked a lot harder with my head than it did with my body, and it will probably do the same to you if you get it.

And if the worst of what I envision right now comes to fruition, and becomes a reality, and you need some human form to blame for all this, look to Darren, of Expertise Education Company Limited, in Beijing China, because Darren lied.

But also realize, that I don't know what will happen for sure. I am a human, and I am a writer, and I tend to weave great and complicated scenarios in my head. And whether this great and complicated scenario becomes real for the world, is not up to me, it is up to you, the other humans. And if someone wants to stop this badly enough, they can. We do have choices, you know. Now go out and do something meaningful. Now.