I'm not going to fill in all the details about my "escape/flee" from China just yet, you will just have to purchase my forthcoming memoir, which I have not yet even begun to write, but trust me, I'll get around to it. I think it's best for now, for emotional reasons and other, if we just skip over all the bull shit. Don't get me wrong, it's incredibly interesting and climactic, but it's way to intense for me to look objectively at for the moment. We are at the part when the climactic bullshit has slowly fizzled out, and now we are beginning to establish some semblance of normalcy again. There's also the pretty scene where the main character falls in love. [I love the fact that this blog reads like a screen play, and it definitely follows the Odyssian model.]
In the past week, I moved in with a friend and found a job. That's the highly synopsized version. What happened between getting fired from my last job and now, is a shit load of bull shit, and it's way too complicated to get into at the moment. You'll just have to wait, and if you want it faster, you will have to pester me to write more stuff.
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Saturday, November 13, 2010
And then what happened?
So then, I start walking out to where I think I will find a taxi, and I walk and I walk, lugging this heavy ass suitcase, and totally struggling and suffering, and I say to my self, "Margit, you've got to choose your battles!" And so, I surrendered it. I left most of my possessions sitting on a sidewalk in China.
I realized at this point, that I needed to get my physical body and my passport to that airport on time, and luckily, I knew I'd left enough time to do that. Beyond my body and my passport, my next two priorities were my computer and my guitar, and the little bit of clothes and shit I had in my backpack. I kept those.
There were no taxis on the street, but there were black taxis. Black taxis illegal taxis. They are basically people who own cars, and they offer you rides, and they are known to have ridiculously high prices, especially at the time of night that it was. Knowing my options I tried to get one, and he was going to charge me 300 yuan. He was not working with me. I tried to bargain. He wouldn't work with me, so I said, "fuck you," to him and I moved on, and kept walking...
I realized at this point, that I needed to get my physical body and my passport to that airport on time, and luckily, I knew I'd left enough time to do that. Beyond my body and my passport, my next two priorities were my computer and my guitar, and the little bit of clothes and shit I had in my backpack. I kept those.
There were no taxis on the street, but there were black taxis. Black taxis illegal taxis. They are basically people who own cars, and they offer you rides, and they are known to have ridiculously high prices, especially at the time of night that it was. Knowing my options I tried to get one, and he was going to charge me 300 yuan. He was not working with me. I tried to bargain. He wouldn't work with me, so I said, "fuck you," to him and I moved on, and kept walking...
Friday, November 12, 2010
The aftermath
I think I went a little crazy with those last few posts, though everything of what I said was true, or at the very least the truth as I knew it at the time. I think I totally broke down as I was fleeing the country. The night before the morning I left, I got to bed around midnight, and set my alarm for 2:30 am. I packed up my shit and I left to get to the airport on time.
I walked to the gate of my complex with my suitcase full of my clothes and gifts for my friends and family back home, which I had accumulated, including a wedding gift for my brother and his fiance, and other things that I knew my mom wanted, like those tea bottles with the filters, and a hell of a lot of my stuff too. I had a backpack with my absolute necessities, like some underwear, and my cute little stuffed gorilla, books and magazines, and shit for the plane ride; and I had my guitar, and my passport, and 2000 yuan (almost $300).
I walked lugging this super heavy suitcase to the gate of my apartment complex where I attempted to get the people there to call me a taxi. They didn't get it. I got pissed and moved on. My former boss from my Sunday school job had offered to drive me to the airport if I needed it, when I told her what happened the night before. I took out my phone to call her, and my phone was out of service...
I walked to the gate of my complex with my suitcase full of my clothes and gifts for my friends and family back home, which I had accumulated, including a wedding gift for my brother and his fiance, and other things that I knew my mom wanted, like those tea bottles with the filters, and a hell of a lot of my stuff too. I had a backpack with my absolute necessities, like some underwear, and my cute little stuffed gorilla, books and magazines, and shit for the plane ride; and I had my guitar, and my passport, and 2000 yuan (almost $300).
I walked lugging this super heavy suitcase to the gate of my apartment complex where I attempted to get the people there to call me a taxi. They didn't get it. I got pissed and moved on. My former boss from my Sunday school job had offered to drive me to the airport if I needed it, when I told her what happened the night before. I took out my phone to call her, and my phone was out of service...
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Whatever will be will be
I have a very strong feeling in my heart and in my intuition that my coming to China, and seeing what I have seen, and doing what I have done, was somehow written in the stars for me from my birth. I don't know who or what wrote it. You can call it God, or you can call it whatever you want. If you want it to be many Gods, or Goddesses, or even nothing at all, that's fine too. There is one thing I am certain of, and that is that it is.
Everything I have experienced seemed to hit me at precisely the right moment to teach me precisely the right lesson that I needed to know right then to move forward with my life. I have had a massive spiritual awakening. When I came to China, my world was so small, I could fit it in my hands. I could look at it and understand everything about it, and know exactly what everything was, and exactly what everything did and why. Now my world is so big, I don't even know where its limits lie, or if it even has limits (and I don't believe it does).
I have conquered all my fears here: my fear of loud noises, my fear of crowds, my fear of bees, my fear of dying, my fear of being alone, my fear of being stranded without money, my fear of being hungry, thirsty, tired, my fear of riding the wrong way down a busy street on the back of a motorcycle without a helmet on (a fear I didn't even know that I had until coming here--one of those things that's just thrown in your face as it is happening), my fear of waking at three in the morning to a girl having sex with man in the same room as me (another fear I didn't know I had), my fear of doing what I want, when I want, however I want to do it, without fear or regard to rules or consequences, my fear of others thinking I am crazy. I stopped caring what anyone else will think of me, I stopped always trying to be everything to everyone, and please everyone. And I learned a lot about loyalty, and integrity, and honesty, and true friendship, and what it means to be a part of a family, and what it means to be a part of a life form on a planet...This stranded, desperate planet.
I am so fucking deprogrammed from all the brainwashing I have ever been subjected to through schools, and media, and parents and teachers, and I realize that none of this really matters. I have learned that life is absolutely meaningless, and the only thing that can give a human life any meaning is to do absolutely, positively meaningful things.
Now, I don't know what the future holds for me exactly. On Thursday, 11/11/2010, at 5 or 6 in the morning, my ass will arrive in Chicago. I don't know anything about what's going to happen then. I cannot guarantee that all my parts will arrive together or if I will even be alive. There are some things I should make clear to the world before I make this move, and I know what the potential consequences are and I must do this anyway.
I am carrying a potentially deadly pandemic of the Chinese flu. And I know it was the CDC's mission to prevent this pandemic, and so far they have succeeded, and by publishing this fact to the internet, I am giving the world a choice in the matter as whether they are ready and willing to face this shit or not. I will tell you one thing: it is inevitable. I have told you exactly what it will do to you if you catch it, and it will not kill you if you want to live, but it will kill you if you want to die. It will get inside you, and take you down to knocking on deaths door, and give you a very beautiful experience, and then give you a choice as to whether you want to live or die, and you will make your decision, and what will be will be. And, in my case, the Chinese flu fucked a lot harder with my head than it did with my body, and it will probably do the same to you if you get it.
And if the worst of what I envision right now comes to fruition, and becomes a reality, and you need some human form to blame for all this, look to Darren, of Expertise Education Company Limited, in Beijing China, because Darren lied.
But also realize, that I don't know what will happen for sure. I am a human, and I am a writer, and I tend to weave great and complicated scenarios in my head. And whether this great and complicated scenario becomes real for the world, is not up to me, it is up to you, the other humans. And if someone wants to stop this badly enough, they can. We do have choices, you know. Now go out and do something meaningful. Now.
Everything I have experienced seemed to hit me at precisely the right moment to teach me precisely the right lesson that I needed to know right then to move forward with my life. I have had a massive spiritual awakening. When I came to China, my world was so small, I could fit it in my hands. I could look at it and understand everything about it, and know exactly what everything was, and exactly what everything did and why. Now my world is so big, I don't even know where its limits lie, or if it even has limits (and I don't believe it does).
I have conquered all my fears here: my fear of loud noises, my fear of crowds, my fear of bees, my fear of dying, my fear of being alone, my fear of being stranded without money, my fear of being hungry, thirsty, tired, my fear of riding the wrong way down a busy street on the back of a motorcycle without a helmet on (a fear I didn't even know that I had until coming here--one of those things that's just thrown in your face as it is happening), my fear of waking at three in the morning to a girl having sex with man in the same room as me (another fear I didn't know I had), my fear of doing what I want, when I want, however I want to do it, without fear or regard to rules or consequences, my fear of others thinking I am crazy. I stopped caring what anyone else will think of me, I stopped always trying to be everything to everyone, and please everyone. And I learned a lot about loyalty, and integrity, and honesty, and true friendship, and what it means to be a part of a family, and what it means to be a part of a life form on a planet...This stranded, desperate planet.
I am so fucking deprogrammed from all the brainwashing I have ever been subjected to through schools, and media, and parents and teachers, and I realize that none of this really matters. I have learned that life is absolutely meaningless, and the only thing that can give a human life any meaning is to do absolutely, positively meaningful things.
Now, I don't know what the future holds for me exactly. On Thursday, 11/11/2010, at 5 or 6 in the morning, my ass will arrive in Chicago. I don't know anything about what's going to happen then. I cannot guarantee that all my parts will arrive together or if I will even be alive. There are some things I should make clear to the world before I make this move, and I know what the potential consequences are and I must do this anyway.
I am carrying a potentially deadly pandemic of the Chinese flu. And I know it was the CDC's mission to prevent this pandemic, and so far they have succeeded, and by publishing this fact to the internet, I am giving the world a choice in the matter as whether they are ready and willing to face this shit or not. I will tell you one thing: it is inevitable. I have told you exactly what it will do to you if you catch it, and it will not kill you if you want to live, but it will kill you if you want to die. It will get inside you, and take you down to knocking on deaths door, and give you a very beautiful experience, and then give you a choice as to whether you want to live or die, and you will make your decision, and what will be will be. And, in my case, the Chinese flu fucked a lot harder with my head than it did with my body, and it will probably do the same to you if you get it.
And if the worst of what I envision right now comes to fruition, and becomes a reality, and you need some human form to blame for all this, look to Darren, of Expertise Education Company Limited, in Beijing China, because Darren lied.
But also realize, that I don't know what will happen for sure. I am a human, and I am a writer, and I tend to weave great and complicated scenarios in my head. And whether this great and complicated scenario becomes real for the world, is not up to me, it is up to you, the other humans. And if someone wants to stop this badly enough, they can. We do have choices, you know. Now go out and do something meaningful. Now.
This is what I know happened
Nobody will tell you anything here, so this is what I have figured out from the clues that I have put together and now everything adds up:
On Monday morning, I called my assistant Darren and told him I was sick. He said to come in anyway, and I told him that technically I could come in but then I would just be sick at school and unable to do my job.
In order to satisfy the school, Darren told the school I would be there. When I never showed up, the school called Jolin, 0ne of the higher-ups within the company, and said the teacher never came. Then, when Jolin asked Darren if Margit called in, in order to cover his own ass, he lied and said Margit never called in.
One thing led to the next and when Darren showed up at my door out of no where to take me to a restaurant to tell me that the company decided to terminate my contract, you could see it in his twitchy face that he knew he'd fucked up. And everything was highly suspicious.
In my contract, it said that I must call in if I'm sick, and I am allowed up to thirty days sick leave before they have the grounds to fire me for being sick. If I don't show up at all and don't call in, the company has grounds to terminate the contract after TWO days.
How many days did I miss? 2. And Darren lied. It makes perfect sense to me. This is not some corrupt company, it is one corrupt liar of a man named Darren!
And when Darren told me that they terminated the contract, and I said, "well you have to pay me my breach penalty right?" and he got this look of shock on his face, I knew something was up.
He knows what he did, and he feels guilty as fuck for doing it because the school really did like me, and he's scared, because now he knows that his ass is on the line.
And now, my dad has helped me get my ass out of here, when I am sick, and have almost no money, and have almost no options, and so beyond desperate and helpless in this foreign fucking country, and so far beyond frustration, and so far beyond ting bu fucking dong, that I have reached absolute enlightenment, but still, for Darren, and the company, to allow this to happen to me is so far beyond grounds for a lawsuit, it would be retarded not to pursue it.
I will go tomorrow, and see if they can give me some sort of a settlement so that I will not sue, and then maybe I will be able to pay my dad back the money I owe him, for getting me here, and now getting me out of here. We'll see.
"The parents complained" my ass!
On Monday morning, I called my assistant Darren and told him I was sick. He said to come in anyway, and I told him that technically I could come in but then I would just be sick at school and unable to do my job.
In order to satisfy the school, Darren told the school I would be there. When I never showed up, the school called Jolin, 0ne of the higher-ups within the company, and said the teacher never came. Then, when Jolin asked Darren if Margit called in, in order to cover his own ass, he lied and said Margit never called in.
One thing led to the next and when Darren showed up at my door out of no where to take me to a restaurant to tell me that the company decided to terminate my contract, you could see it in his twitchy face that he knew he'd fucked up. And everything was highly suspicious.
In my contract, it said that I must call in if I'm sick, and I am allowed up to thirty days sick leave before they have the grounds to fire me for being sick. If I don't show up at all and don't call in, the company has grounds to terminate the contract after TWO days.
How many days did I miss? 2. And Darren lied. It makes perfect sense to me. This is not some corrupt company, it is one corrupt liar of a man named Darren!
And when Darren told me that they terminated the contract, and I said, "well you have to pay me my breach penalty right?" and he got this look of shock on his face, I knew something was up.
He knows what he did, and he feels guilty as fuck for doing it because the school really did like me, and he's scared, because now he knows that his ass is on the line.
And now, my dad has helped me get my ass out of here, when I am sick, and have almost no money, and have almost no options, and so beyond desperate and helpless in this foreign fucking country, and so far beyond frustration, and so far beyond ting bu fucking dong, that I have reached absolute enlightenment, but still, for Darren, and the company, to allow this to happen to me is so far beyond grounds for a lawsuit, it would be retarded not to pursue it.
I will go tomorrow, and see if they can give me some sort of a settlement so that I will not sue, and then maybe I will be able to pay my dad back the money I owe him, for getting me here, and now getting me out of here. We'll see.
"The parents complained" my ass!
This is what I believe actually happened as to why they fired me
Between when I was hired by this company and now, there was a policy change. Before, anyone with a collage degree and who was a native English speaker could get a work visa applicable to the work I do. Now, a person must be out of college and must have gotten that degree over two years ago in order to do the work that I do. While it is possible to obtain a work visa inside of my current circumstances, it is much more expensive, and not worth the price of keeping me to the company. If I had graduated collage 2 or more years ago, a work visa would cost about 400 yuan, and with my current circumstances, it would cost around 10,000 yuan, obviously a huge difference in price, and not worth it to the company. Of course, now that I am demanding my breach penalty, they may change their mind, though I hope that they will pay me to just to get me off their back and/or prevent me from sicking my lawyer on them.
Of course, they would never admit to this, but I hear rumors. Not all of these rumors are true. In fact, what I just said may not be true at all, but it seems to be the most plausible reality and reason for all the recent deportations, and it seems like a believable reason to fire me. And there have been many deportations for a huge variety of reasons. I honestly think there are going to be some massive changes in this country (and the world, for that matter) soon.
The other reason I think they may have fired me was that I just started at this school two weeks ago, and now I have asked for three sick days. They may not have realized exactly how sick I was from the time I got food poisoning from the century eggs, and from this Chinese flu that I have right now. (They may assume, that myself, like their last teacher, calls in sick all the time because I am hungover, which, as anyone who knows me could attest to, is not at all like me.) And these two incidents happening so close together was kind of just an accident, but when you live in a foreign country, getting sick from something is an inevitability. And when you teach little kids, getting sick is also an inevitability. My poor housemate, he happened to get food poisoning and the Chinese flu both at the same time. I honestly do not understand how he managed to survive that!
But from the schools perspective, I was a new teacher in a ritzy school, with no masters degrees and only two months of experience (compared with their other teacher who has two masters degrees and three years experience), so I guess I had a lot to prove to them if I wanted them to keep me. And during those days that I was a substitute, I worked my ass off to prove I was capable, and I continued to during these past two weeks, and I know the kids were learning from me, and they were learning well. But when the new teacher calls in sick three days out of those two weeks, and...now wait a minute...hold on just a minute here...I think somethings coming in...what's that?...what are the parents going to say to that...?
Ah, okay. I guess the parents may have actually complained. NEVER MIND! I guess the dude was probably telling the truth. I just wish he would have just told me the damn reason why. But then, why won't they find me another school? I honestly can't say. I think they assumed that because now I've been through two schools, that they will be unable to find me another, and they simply don't have the patience for that, and they think that, with the cost of a work visa now, and everything else going on, it's cheaper and easier just to get rid of me than to continue hearing complaints about me. Well, in that case, it's not my problem, it's theirs for not having the patience to work with me.
Now, I have not actually bought the ticket home yet, but if I choose to stay, I will have to pay 1,600 yuan to renew my visa, and that's not something I am willing to do, with my limited cash, in this smog filled, shit hole of a country. My visa expires Friday and it's Tuesday now. There is a lot that I am going to miss, especially my Hebrew school job, and more than anything, the kids, but oh well. I can't even begin to explain all that I have learned here. I will tell you more in future posts but what I can say is that what I have learned here in three months would have taken me over 1,000 years to learn if all I did was sit and read books about it. And so I'm very glad I came here and now I'm very glad I'm leaving.
Of course, they would never admit to this, but I hear rumors. Not all of these rumors are true. In fact, what I just said may not be true at all, but it seems to be the most plausible reality and reason for all the recent deportations, and it seems like a believable reason to fire me. And there have been many deportations for a huge variety of reasons. I honestly think there are going to be some massive changes in this country (and the world, for that matter) soon.
The other reason I think they may have fired me was that I just started at this school two weeks ago, and now I have asked for three sick days. They may not have realized exactly how sick I was from the time I got food poisoning from the century eggs, and from this Chinese flu that I have right now. (They may assume, that myself, like their last teacher, calls in sick all the time because I am hungover, which, as anyone who knows me could attest to, is not at all like me.) And these two incidents happening so close together was kind of just an accident, but when you live in a foreign country, getting sick from something is an inevitability. And when you teach little kids, getting sick is also an inevitability. My poor housemate, he happened to get food poisoning and the Chinese flu both at the same time. I honestly do not understand how he managed to survive that!
But from the schools perspective, I was a new teacher in a ritzy school, with no masters degrees and only two months of experience (compared with their other teacher who has two masters degrees and three years experience), so I guess I had a lot to prove to them if I wanted them to keep me. And during those days that I was a substitute, I worked my ass off to prove I was capable, and I continued to during these past two weeks, and I know the kids were learning from me, and they were learning well. But when the new teacher calls in sick three days out of those two weeks, and...now wait a minute...hold on just a minute here...I think somethings coming in...what's that?...what are the parents going to say to that...?
Ah, okay. I guess the parents may have actually complained. NEVER MIND! I guess the dude was probably telling the truth. I just wish he would have just told me the damn reason why. But then, why won't they find me another school? I honestly can't say. I think they assumed that because now I've been through two schools, that they will be unable to find me another, and they simply don't have the patience for that, and they think that, with the cost of a work visa now, and everything else going on, it's cheaper and easier just to get rid of me than to continue hearing complaints about me. Well, in that case, it's not my problem, it's theirs for not having the patience to work with me.
Now, I have not actually bought the ticket home yet, but if I choose to stay, I will have to pay 1,600 yuan to renew my visa, and that's not something I am willing to do, with my limited cash, in this smog filled, shit hole of a country. My visa expires Friday and it's Tuesday now. There is a lot that I am going to miss, especially my Hebrew school job, and more than anything, the kids, but oh well. I can't even begin to explain all that I have learned here. I will tell you more in future posts but what I can say is that what I have learned here in three months would have taken me over 1,000 years to learn if all I did was sit and read books about it. And so I'm very glad I came here and now I'm very glad I'm leaving.
Monday, November 8, 2010
I've done China, China's done me, and China and I are done with each other
So, as you can assume from the title, I'm coming home. Yes, I know I said I'd be here a year, yes I know I said I signed a contract. For reasons which nobody will tell me, the company has decided to terminate my contract. I don't know why for certain. They have this excuse they always tell you that is an outright lie and I know it: "the parents complained." Of course this isn't true, it's just the bullshit they say to get you off their back. They lie a lot, but in Chinese culture, lying is not wrong, it is a face protecting strategy. If they say the parents complained, then they don't specify any further, they won't tell you specific complaints, they won't tell you exactly what you did wrong, than not only is it a lie, but there no way for you to know what you did wrong, or how you can change to make the problem better. It's a real lose-lose situation for the employees and this company, and we all believe it's going to be their downfall, and I'm glad that we are separating. Don't get me wrong though, I'm not going out without a fight. I'm going to get my breach penalty, and my paycheck for this month, and my TEFL certificate, no matter how hard I have to fight for them. I may need to go down to the office right now. In fact I should, to get those things. Let me call the fucker who told me this and see if he got the shit from the accountant.
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